Emotional Integration

 

This is going to be THE topic.

As we are moving away from the thinking aspect of the mind into feeling, emotional charges will slowly become visible. But you will have no idea how to deal with those, or how to consciously integrate them, what they are or how they arise. 

Emotional charges are exactly that, emotional charges. A charge. 

A charge, or charges, are what drives your reality. It decides what comes through your experiences. A "charge" also contains the opposite, a "discharge". 

An example would be a person you don`t like mocks you, looks down on you and calls you an idiot. You "charge" him. He "charges" back. You are playing tennis. Does the ball settle? No, it is being beaten back and forth. Even after the person is no longer in physical contact, the ball is still being played. Just forgotten. But it becomes a part of the total sum of the "sense of you". That is why we feel lighter and happier by doing emotional work, because we are resolving our "load".

We can take it deeper.

Have you ever frequently thought of an argue with someone in the past where you lost the argue, or the argue really hurt you? The argue still replays and continues in your mind as a dialogue with a negative emotion attached to it. You constantly argue, visualizing you are winning repeatedly. If you`d look at yourself from outside yourself, you`d be sitting with eyes wide open, completely stiff, and utterly away in your mind. A blank stare. Not present.


We can take it deeper.

Have you ever been sitting and watching the news and getting angry by the content, even though it has nothing to do with you personally? It might be a murder, where someone was brutally killed and sliced up. 

You get so upset you flare up in upset and anger, might even be yelling at the screen or comment in fury to your spouse next to you. Talking with a friend later or the day after saying: "Do you know what fucked up shit I heard in the news?!" Anger is played. "Passing the burning ball". It has nothing to do with you, or the person you share it with, but you somehow take it personally. Somehow the negativity of the news got accepted, taken in, and converted.

Furthermore.

You are sitting and watching a football game. Two teams are running after a ball. They are playing a game. The mind made one of the team biased, and if they lose; you will lose. You`ll become a looser. So, when they lose, you will literally think and feel loss. Dignity got injured that "your" team lost. But you can`t deal with getting humiliated, so it gets converted into a burning ball - pushing back. 

Emotional charges and thoughts are very intricately linked, but not at all!

First, I need you to ask yourself: "What are emotions?" Honestly and sincerely ask yourself that now and see if an answer comes up. What is an emotion?

We were never taught about this. In school, it was more important to learn about history, something that happened in the past, than what is going on now.

How many emotions do you have? How many aspects of happiness are there? Even more importantly, how many aspects of sorrow are you experiencing? How many of them have you noticed? How many aspects of hurt do you feel daily?

Maybe you do not have the answer and that is ok. Confusion is another emotion. But what is it really? Is it connected to sadness or happiness within you?

Being confused is not looked upon positively. So, when this arises, you reactively "mount and anchor" your mind into a distraction, or another overlapping thought. But if you look at confusion, your mind is in a state of all possibilities. That`s why it`s allergic to being confused. Cause it is losing that firm control. Confusion should be praised!

We all learned from observing our parents and the "grown-ups" that “negative” emotions are scary and something not to be entertained. "Showing emotions are for the weak". "Emotions are not important". "Stop being angry! -and go to your room!". “Be quiet!”. Whenever we expressed emotions freely, they were put down by the grownups right away. Cause they could not handle their own emotions arising within them. You literally were given their load. Whatever reaction came up, it taught us one thing: emotions are secondary and not a main factor. It is to be suppressed and not expressed. And that there are “good and bad” emotions. “Think about what you`ve done”.

The ironic thing is that happiness is an emotion being called good and bad, and this is what you have been looking for your entire life, every day. But not being educated in emotions, reactively escaping "hurtful" emotions, you right then and there lost happiness. 

Taking it even deeper. We were taught that we should feel grateful of what we have because the rest of the world is in pain. That comment arises from pain. The world which this thought comes from is literally in pain.

We were taught that even happiness is to be suppressed. If we felt an immense joy of getting an entire bowl of candy, we would eat the bowl with such joy and then the parents will rain guilt on us since what we did does not match up with their mind. One of the old classic ones are: "Africa is in hunger, and this is how you act?". Right there, the joy was ripped away from us. Then we were only allowed to have candy one single day of the week. Limiting our own happiness. Our head would slowly fall, and we would feel guilt. 

Look at the people outside. Do they look up, or does most of them look down? The universal language is being spoken. 

In school, you have well educated teachers standing in front of a bunch of kids learning them about awfully specific content. "Dry content", which includes only mind-matter. But what about the universal content? What about the universal language, emotions? What is being said, how it is being said and how it enters us are causally linked to the teacher`s emotional state. Is the teacher content, happy, frustrated, or angry? He is literally giving you the burning ball underneath the content. Is he aware of his emotions as he is talking, or is the fixation locked on his mind?

Studying is really boiling down to how good you are to memorizing and understand what other people have thought and understood before you. You are a keeper of memory. And we are the next generation of keepers. But the little kids are not aware of this. They learn that mind matters, and emotions are not even a factor.

The charge continues in generations after generations. Parents passing burning stones onto the children. And the parents before them, and so on. It is perfectly normal and its ok. It is a process of learning your experience. That is why we are not to blame anyone. We are all victims of the past. Until you take charge or your own experience.

When you are at home sitting still you are desperate for a distraction. "Ants in the pants". You grab your phone after 2 seconds. You turn the attention to you kids. You think about what to make for dinner, starts to plan. You look for a snack. You make appointments, you go to the gym, you take a cigarette.

You are on a boat on top of a river. The river is the unresolved charge, your body is the boat, and your mind is the paddles.

What is happening when you are smoking a cigarette?

To understand this, we must understand sedation and control.

Sedation is a dysfunction to numb our awareness of our emotional charge. For example, the habitual need and use of alcohol is intended to sedate discomfort. We are drowning out our emotional state. The expression popularly used is "drowning our sorrows".

Control is a dysfunction and an attempt to gain power over discomfort - to overpower it. The habitual need and use of cigarettes are intended to control our emotional charge. Whenever we don`t know what`s happening and feel out of control, we reach for a cigarette because, by smoking, we at least know what`s going on: We are having a cigarette. Being able to reach for, light, and smoke a cigarette allows us to live in the illusion we are in control of our emotional charge.

Smoking marijuana habitually is a popular tool for self-medication because it simultaneously achieves both sedation and control.

When we don`t know what to do, we do not feel at ease with the moment, we are experiencing an unintegrated emotional charge. This is typically hidden way beyond our conscious awareness. It is rising as a "gut feeling", or a "red flag", saying something is not right. The mind takes over and starts scanning memory, desperately trying to figure out how to get rid of it. How to escape it. You reach for a cigarette, the phone, or the remote control. You feed the charge. And the charge will continue to live for as long as you feed it. So, your life happens in a "feeding frenzy". Reliving old patterns again and again. 

There are certain expressions in our language that describes emotional overload:

·         "In the heat of the moment"

·         Self-esteem (self is steam)

·         "Hot under the collar"

·         "Going to blow my top."

·         "Blowing off steam"

·         "Losing my cool"

·         "I`m in hot water now"

·         "Blowing my top"

Unintegrated emotions arise as heat, in form of anger, frustration and discontent.

You, reading this. I will do whatever I can to help you get conscious of your charge. I will do whatever I can do show you how to successfully integrate it. But you need to make the decision and do the required work to enhance the quality of your own experience.

But first, I need to tell you about the mind`s "Catch 22".

When you do take the actions to stop quitting your affliction behaviour, we ask for change. We are seeing that the pattern we are feeding is in fact hurting us more and more over time.

You are given the opportunity to change. You embrace the opportunity, and you start feeling different. The mental body tells us that this strange and new feeling is "wrong".

We subsequently mentally interpret this strange feeling, which is the surfacing of our emotional signature, as a "gut-feeling" or a "red flag" telling us we are headed in the wrong direction.

By listening to these stories, we turn against that which is changing our experience, returning to what`s familiar and safe.

Nothing is accomplished.

We feel more frustrated and disillusioned than before. 

The mental body grows stronger, and we become disheartened. The pattern is solidified even further.

Do you have a pattern you tried to get out of, only to fail and have it grown even stronger?

Returning to the charge.

The charges you are having are your life. The minds content laying on top of this, the stories created for distractions, are now your reality. 

Example:

You fell in love and started a relationship with your dream man. You feel a lack and believe that a someone will “fill the gap”. After the experience with him got exhausted, meaning your life with him went to a "normal state" there is an opportunity for emotional charges to arise. Because there is now a gap. There is silence. By reactively not wanting to look at it, you fire up a "red flag". So, you adopt a dog to lock your fixation externally again. That becomes mundane, so you get a kid. After the kid grows up and moves out, you are again returning to the mundane. There is again opportunity for emotional charges to arise. "Red flags" arise and then you buy a new car. Or a second dog. Again, and again, you make changes to lock your fixation externally. These charges, which are always boiling and affection your experiences, are over time being turned into afflictions and addictions. Either to food, sex, money, material, relationships; or to diseases or chronic illnesses. Disease means "Dis ease", not at ease. It can grow into stress, further to heart attacks or seizures. 

Medications are a bandage on a bleeding wound because it never deals with the causative aspect of the experience. It is a means to forget and push down. You are asking someone outside of yourself to fix the inside of yourself.

How do you then integrate it for good?

Firstly, and most importantly, you personally must come to the realisation that whatever you do, whatever you have always been doing, never ever solved the problem. It always returned. This honesty and insight will be the fuel needed.

It requires you to step out of the role of a victim and take 100% responsibility of the quality of your experience.

You can ask a friend to look after your house when you are gone, but he can never feel for you. This is up to you. Only you.


We do not "heal" anything. Healing indicates that something is broken. A "healer" sees a broken world. We are to "integrate", to embrace back fully and unconditionally into the whole.

When we impact the casual aspect of our experience, we simultaneously change the condition of the whole.


We start off by sitting still when we are feeling discomfort. Discomfort comes in many forms, and you know your own best. When the inner discomfort finally resurfaces, it may be devastating because now there appears to be nowhere to turn.

But you are changing the awareness from the arising "red flags" of the mind into the emotional resonance causing your discomfort.

Consistency is key. And with consistency we accumulate awareness.

15 minutes every day we are asked to sit down and do consciously connected breathing. The inhale and exhale are the same length. You don`t pause at the exhale. Inhale comes right after. We repeat a conscious response to the breath. I AM HERE NOW IN THIS. I on the inhale, AM on the exhale, HERE on the inhale, NOW on the exhale, IN on the inhale, THIS on the exhale.

It is not uncommon to have the sense of “falling asleep” while doing this. That is just deep unconscious charges arising. If we continually are having the problem of falling asleep, we are asked to breath double speed until we are into the breath and the conscious response again. It is typically on the exhale we get unconscious, so we are to inhale right after the exhale is complete. The inhale is to be exaggerated a little, but the exhale is to be natural. It is helpful to visualize a fountain. Water being pushed in and falls outwards all natural. The mind is occupied, and we invite Presence to accumulate and integrate for us. After we have done 15 minutes, we take awareness of the breath, breath normally and feel unconditionally of whatever arises. The body might feel “tingly”. Everything mental, emotional, and physical that arises during the breathing is Valid.

The mind will come up with all sorts of excuses not to do this, or to not breath for 15 minutes, even though we are always breathing. It might say that there are more important matters to attend than breathing for 15 minutes. You can experience extreme resistance during it. There might be new sensations arising, but we are asked to embrace that, and continue to breath with the conscious response.

Consistency is key. Adapt to this idea and then decide to do it every morning, as the first thing when you wake up, for not less than 2 months. It is common after a while to feel like breathing more than 15 minutes. That is ok. But we are asked to not do it for less.


This way, we are taking the responsibility of our own uncomfortable emotions and starts a new relationship with them. Instead of beating them away when they arise, they are now being heard and seen, the only thing they have ever asked of you.

One negative emotion is the cause of several identical situations that you are having every single day. Identical in the emotional resonance, but the external situation is completely new. That is why we must turn awareness inwards, to what is actual and real. To integrate the emotion and release the toxic situations you are creating from them. What comes next is authentic experience.

Also, this requires you to take the next step in your evolution of consciousness. To see and witness that the external world literally is a projection of you. That somehow it is your inner world giving the external situations, and that the external situations are not at all a coincidence or random. It is you right then and there. Your mind.

 
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